Top 5 reasons why Skyward Sword is way better than Breath of the Wild (April Fools’)

Have you ever stopped and really thought about why Nintendo hasn’t released Breath of the Wild 2 yet? Time and time again, the company says the game needs more time. They say that development is proceeding smoothly. They say more information is coming. They say we just need to be a little more patient.

The truth is this: The game is never coming out because Nintendo is scared. They’re scared that it’s going to be another failure, just like Breath of the Wild was.

Releasing another Hyrule Warriors title last year was a smart move by Nintendo; Age of Calamity was meant as a distraction, to make you forget all about the next mainline Zelda game in development — and it almost worked. Now, presumably as an apology for even attempting to expand the dull and yawn-inducing world of Breath of the Wild, Nintendo has seemingly scrapped development on the sequel altogether and replaced it with a far superior product: Skyward Sword HD.

It’s genius, really. How do you restore faith in a fandom after delivering such an abysmal Zelda game? You re-release the best one. I must admit, Nintendo had me worried for a moment there, but truly, we should never underestimate its strategical business thinking — it’s bold moves like these, after all, that have kept Nintendo at the top of its game. Many Zelda devotees who have already been burned by the trash fire that is Breath of the Wild don’t need to be told how it pales in comparison to the mighty Skyward Sword, but for the uninitiated, the following list comprises the five biggest differences between the very best and very worst Zelda games.

5. Breath of the Wild launched on the Wii U, which is a bad console that no one likes

Perhaps the most important criteria for critiquing a video game is considering the hardware that it runs on. For example, as true Nintendo fans, we all know that all games exclusive to other platforms are garbage (unless they later receive Switch ports, in which case they then become playable). Even the most loyal Nintendo followers will agree, however, that the Wii U was an absolute mistake with literally not one good game on it. If you’re still not convinced, just compare the software libraries of both consoles: The Wii had a total of seven Madden games, compared to the Wii U’s one. Pathetic.

The Nintendo Wii, however, is one of the bestselling video game consoles of all time, which of course makes Skyward Sword one of the best Zelda games ever. The Wii U, on the other hand? Not even Zelda could save Nintendo’s biggest failure. The Wii U is a bad console with nothing but bad games, and that includes Breath of the Wild.

4. Motion controls are more realistic, buttons are for old people

Nintendo revolutionized the tired Zelda formula with Skyward Sword, doing away with the dull button-mashing combat of old in favor of the new, realistic swipes and sweeps made possible by the motion capabilities of the Wii Remote and Nunchuk. Sometimes, when the Wii Remote slips out of my hand and I end up smashing up my own household belongings, I feel just like the legendary hero Link, Pillager of Pots, Vandal of Vases, and Dropkicker of Jars.

Then, because apparently Nintendo was determined to make Breath of the Wild a failure in every way imaginable, the game took a step back by forcing its poor players to simply press buttons again. I mean, what is this, 2005?

It’s simply embarrassing to see Breath of the Wild make absolutely no strides toward building a more engaging combat system. If the game is remembered for anything (which is optimistic at best), it certainly won’t be for its dull enemy encounters and uninspired fight sequences. Breath of the Wild offers no room for improvisation in its combat — unlike Skyward Sword, which lets you slash in a total of eight different directions. Eight!

3. Link is a loser with no friends in Breath of the Wild

If you still don’t believe me when I insist that Breath of the Wild is a slog, consider this: If it was so great, why doesn’t Link bring a pal on his adventure? Link always has a companion with him on his journeys, whether it’s Navi, Midna, Ezlo, or three other color-coded lads that look just like him. Well, at least Breath of the Wild is realistic in one sense: No one in their right mind would want to join Link in the blandest version of Hyrule ever depicted on screen.

Fi, on the other hand, is an incredibly helpful assistant of Link’s that offers advice throughout Skyward Sword. In fact, Fi can barely contain her excitement at being included in such a fantastic game, always having something to say with her constant dialogue popping up during gameplay. With her around, I never have to waste my precious time figuring out where to go or how to solve puzzles. She’s like a satnav and Siri all in one — which shows just how Skyward Sword, a game from 2011, was truly ahead of its time.

Compare this to Breath of the Wild, which lazily communicates to the player: “Here’s a big world, you’re on your own, do what you want.” That’s right: the development team couldn’t be bothered to create a direct route for players, nor did they have the decency to give them a pal that could tell them what to do — they really do expect you to come up with the journey on your own using your imagination. No lengthy tutorials, no hand-holding, no Point A to Point B. Where’s the fun in that?

2. Skyward Sword has a gold box

All good things are gold. The Triforce. The original Legend of Zelda NES cartridge. Wispa Gold chocolate bars. With this knowledge, you don’t even need to insert Skyward Sword‘s disc to know it’s a masterpiece: You can tell from the very box it comes in. Link stands triumphantly before a shimmering, golden backdrop on the game’s cover art, and get this: he is holding his sword so that it points skyward. Get it? I don’t know how the folks at Nintendo come up with this stuff, but sadly, it seems that inspiration was sorely lacking when it came time to crank out Breath of the Wild‘s box art.

First, notice how Breath of the Wild‘s Link has his back turned, not even bothering to pose for the camera. Mind you, if I were the star of Nintendo’s worst game to date, I doubt I’d want to show my face either. Also, notice how Link is standing near the edge of a cliff. That’s dangerous and irresponsible — what kind of role model is this new version of Hyrule’s savior supposed to be? But most tragically of all? Not a sliver of gold. Because Nintendo knows the game doesn’t deserve it.

It’s incredibly fitting that Nintendo went with a predominantly blue palette for its Breath of the Wild box art. A Gold Rupee’s value is 300, while a Blue Rupee is a measly five. That should tell you all you need to know about the Skyloft-sized gap in quality between the two games.

1. The Stamina Wheel looks much tastier in Skyward Sword

As we all know, Breath of the Wild is a game with no originality whatsoever, so it’s perhaps no surprise that it ripped off Skyward Sword‘s most integral new feature. The part that is shocking is how it then somehow managed to ruin it completely.

Just take one look at Skyward Sword‘s Stamina Wheel. A perfect, pie-shaped pattern with a gorgeous green essence, encased in a golden ring to clinch its status as the king of all energy meters. There were countless times when I left Link to perish in his adventures due to being distracted by the Stamina Wheel’s luscious, lime-like allure, licking the screen just for a taste of that exquisite liquified stamina (which, weirdly, got me thrown out of the E3 demo room back in the day, probably due to jealousy on the part of the nearby staff).

Now look — if you even can — at Breath of the Wild‘s failed excuse for a Stamina Wheel.

No, this isn’t a joke. This is what Breath of the Wild thinks is acceptable as a visual indicator of Link’s remaining endurance: a two-dimensional circle.

With that eyesore of an icon always appearing, I couldn’t even make Link run or climb in Breath of the Wild without feeling horrendously sick. The game doesn’t even have the decency to issue a medical warning for this travesty of a meter, but I’ll go one better with a warning that’ll save you precious time, money, and the hurling of your recently consumed Cheerios: Don’t play Breath of the Wild. If this is the height of what HD gaming can achieve, I’ll stick to my Nintendo Wii, thank you.

Save your breath, it’s not worth going wild over

Well, there you have it: Now that you’re convinced, you can put that copy of Breath of the Wild into the garbage and make space instead for Skyward Sword HD. The game is set to become a true turning point for Nintendo; I won’t be surprised at all if the company gives up on its poor attempts to create new Zelda games and instead focuses on re-releasing Skyward Sword time and time again.

And why stop at re-releases? There is a whole universe in Skyloft waiting to be explored. We could have an expanded edition of the game with Skyward Sword + Groose’s Fury. Battle royale spin-offs. Remakes distributed in an episodic format. Corporate-branded Loftwing skin DLC. Gacha elements that summon new Imprisoned fights (imagine the Imprisoned, but with cute hats!). The possibilities are endless — or as the legendary phrase coined by Zelda creator Shigeru Miyamoto goes: “The sky is the limit.”