10 Zelda Characters Who Are Bad at Their Jobs
by Alyssa Weldon on October 2, 2024
The Legend of Zelda universe is home to a colorful cast of characters, many of whom help guide Link along his journey to save the kingdom. Whether it’s providing our hero with crucial supplies, essential information, or a much-needed distraction in the form of a side quest, Link would be lost without these allies. However, among the crew are a select few who (at best) need some additional training or (at worst) should probably be fired from their job. We’ll let you decide who should fall into each category.
10. Castle guards
The palace guards in the Ocarina of Time ostensibly keep Princess Zelda and the rest of the royal family safe from intruders. It is unclear where the king of Hyrule procured these scatterbrained soldiers or what kind of training he had them go through—if they went through any at all. It is child’s play for Link to breeze past each of the guarded areas, pick up a few Rupees along the way, and make his way to the garden where Princess Zelda is spying on her father. And if he needs a couple tries breaking in, it’s no problem. The sentries have already forgotten they caught the same kid sneaking in just a minute ago.
9. Addison
Addison, a beloved character in the Tears of the Kingdom, is a hardworking, devoted employee of Hudson Construction. His job is to set up signs all around Hyrule advertising his company—a job he is entirely unprepared for but takes extremely seriously. Not only does he not have the proper gear to face the freezing cold of the Hebra Mountains nor the boiling heat of Death Mountain (as he wears the same clothes no matter where you find him), he does not even have any equipment to affix his sign to the ground and requires assistance at each location. Despite these flaws, it’s hard to not admire Addison for his loyalty towards his boss and his childlike glee each time Link helps set his sign upright.
8. Fishing Hole Man
Fishing Hole Man, a character in the Ocarina of Time, is the owner of the Fishing Pond in Lake Hylia. For a mere 20 Rupees, customers can fish to their heart’s content. He’ll even supply the rod at no extra cost! The prizes are a steal as well, and customers can make some money back by selling some of the fish in the pond back to the owner. Unfortunately, the cheap price tag means that Fishing Hole Man inevitably starts struggling to turn a profit. Maybe he should start charging more and funneling some of his income towards marketing to draw in some new customers. And maybe towards some itching cream as well.
7. Cucco lady
In the Ocarina of Time, Link finds himself enlisted to help a strange woman who has lost her entire flock of Cuccos. After scouring Kakariko Village and returning each disgruntled bird to its pen, Link finds out that the woman is unable to grab them herself due to her allergies. This begs the obvious questions: Why is this woman in charge of these birds and why do none of the other villagers offer to help? It is unclear whether becoming a Cucco keeper was a voluntary choice or thrust upon her, but one thing is clear — this Cucco pen needs new ownership.
6. Bean Seller
The Bean Seller, a shirtless man who sells “magic beans” from an unidentifiable brown bag, sets up shop near Zora’s River in the Ocarina of Time. The beans he sells do have potent magic qualities, allowing Link to traverse to impossible-to-reach areas on his own. However, his business model leaves much to be desired. He sells his first bean for cheap—a meager 10 Rupees. However, after each sale, his price rises by an additional 10 Rupees until they become so expensive that Link can no longer purchase them without first upgrading his wallet. The reason for the exorbitant price hike? The merchant himself claims that it is all supply and demand. However, as a child playing this game for the first time, I always figured it was because he ate most of his entire stock.
5. Anju
Anju, the innkeeper in Majora’s Mask and the counterpart to the Cucco Lady in the Ocarina of Time, is cursed to struggle with her job no matter which Zelda universe she appears in. Rather than failing to contain her flock of Cuccos, her challenge in Majora’s Mask lies in her propensity to deliver room keys to the wrong customers. While this is advantageous for our hero who gets a free room and access to a chest of 100 Rupees, it is less fortunate for a certain Goran with the same name who is left to sleep out in the cold three nights in a row despite having a reservation. This is why it’s always important to check IDs.
4. Beedle
Beedle is a shopkeeper who makes frequent appearances in the Zelda franchise and is best known for his unusual choice of shop building. Unlike the standard brick and mortar shops, Beedle can be seen carrying his wares by boat, on foot, or flying contraption, depending on the game. Despite his innocuous appearance, he can be a ruthless shopkeeper—threatening to steal Link’s hard-caught beetles if he refuses to sell them in Breath of the Wild, or most annoyingly, sending Link tumbling from his shop via trapdoor for window shopping in Skyward Sword. Maybe it’s time for Beedle to consider renting a stall in the market like a normal person instead of pedaling a flying contraption for 12 hours a day?
3. Link
This is a controversial entry in this list but hear me out. Of course, Link is instrumental in saving Hyrule from Ganon in pretty much every single title. The world would have been destroyed countless times if not for Link, his Triforce of Courage, and Master Sword. He is the Hero of Time after all — but with an incorrigible penchant for mischief. All throughout the Zelda franchise he can be found breaking pots, stealing Rupees, and harassing innocent Cuccos. The 2023 release of Tears of the Kingdom introduced more complicated game mechanics that allow for more complex shenanigans. Link can be spotted all over Hyrule launching hapless Koroks strapped to rockets into oblivion, making Korok rotisseries over open fires, and even burning them at the stake. I think it’s safe to say that while Link overall gets the job done, he could definitely benefit from some professional development.
2. Tingle
Tingle is perhaps one of the oddest characters in the Zelda franchise. He makes an appearance in numerous titles as a self-proclaimed “reincarnated fairy.” In The Wind Waker, he is instrumental in helping Link find and decode the Triforce Charts, albeit for a hefty sum. Although a seemingly innocuous—if eccentric—character, there is a human rights violation shaped shadow hanging over his profitable sea chart business. That’s right, one of Tingle’s very own employees is not an employee at all, but a shipwrecked man named David Jr. stuffed in a silly white costume and forced to work on Tingle Island without benefits or pay. Someone set poor David Jr. free!
1. Bombchu Bowling Alley Operator
Along with human rights violations, it looks like we can also add mistreatment of animals to our list. This unnamed woman manages the Bombchu Bowling Alley in the west area of Hyrule Castle Town in Ocarina of Time. Link can play this game to win some pretty sweet prizes, such as a piece of heart and a big bomb bag. The rules are simple: aim a Bombchu into a hole in the wall while avoiding obstacles. Unfortunately, two of these obstacles are living creatures: an adult Cucco and its baby. While these birds seem impenetrable, dusting themselves off and getting back up after each explosion, it’s hard not to feel bad for them. Not bad enough to not try for that Bomb Bag though.
