If one were to ask me what sets a truly phenomenal video game boss battle apart from an ordinary one, I would list three key components that I feel the battle must possess: an expansive, visually stimulating arena; an intimidating opponent that presents a unique challenge requiring intelligence and skill to overcome; and — perhaps most importantly — an epic, original theme song that burns the memory of the brawl into the player’s mind for all eternity, whether they like it or not. Countless bosses throughout the Zelda series have been blessed with amazing melee music, from Majora’s horrifically chilling descent into discord to Blizzeta’s graceful and deadly ballet on ice, but if we were to hold a final showdown to determine whose theme song reigns supreme, I think Molgera from The Wind Waker would emerge victorious. Like a wily snake charmer, the flutist leading the piece masterfully weaves together a mesmerizing tune that, when accompanied by an aggressively upbeat percussive track, leaves you hypnotically swaying to the rhythm of a land of wind and sand.
But while Molgera’s Theme is a relentless earworm sure to permanently wriggle its way into our brains, I think many would agree that Molgera itself doesn’t really stand out enough to warrant the exceptionally jaunty jingle. As is the case with a certain species of one-eyed arachnid monster, worm and arthropod enemies of the sand-burrowing variety are extremely plentiful in the Zelda universe; in fact, Molgera is the third of a total of five such bosses to appear in the series thus far. And even if he did have a more unusual design, the fight is still too boring to bother remembering. He can be defeated with very little strategic planning or exertion, the pacing of the battle is a bit lackadaisical compared to that of the music, and even the quicksand arena is rather dull to look at. Overall, not a terribly impressive experience.
So the question is, what can be done to make Molgera more interesting? Well, how about if we transform him into a bombastic, bloodthirsty, delightfully nihilistic musical thespian who sings like a Disney villain and preaches the gospel of the one-and-only Edgar Allan Poe? If that sounds like the single most insane idea you’ve ever heard, then you better strap yourself in tight, because you’re in for one devilishly fun ride.
If you’ve ever dreamed of seeing your favorite video game character bounding across the stage on Broadway, then Alex Beckham is the guy you want to call. Adopting the deceptively subdued moniker Man on the Internet, Alex is an absolute powerhouse when it comes to video game musical adaptations. Wildly imaginative, energetic, vocally gifted, and poetic, Alex, with the help of his team of supremely talented singers, is responsible for the Musical Bytes series, where games like Kid Icarus: Uprising, A Hat in Time, Super Paper Mario, and even Super Smash Bros. are given mini-musical theater treatment. His Zelda Musical Bytes Package primarily centers around the emotional anthems of the Hyrulian Champions, so we get to enjoy having our hearts repeatedly ripped out by “Urbosa’s Lullaby,” “Revali’s Ballad,” “Daruk’s Declaration,” “Mipha’s Requiem,” and “Molgera’s Scorn.”
Wait a minute — something doesn’t seem quite right about that last one.
Yes, in a surprising twist, Alex decided to end his Zelda collection with a remake of one of his earliest attempts at VGM lyricism. But what’s even more bizarre than the sudden tonal whiplash is that, while the Champions’ songs are far more beautiful and heart-wrenching to listen to, the giant sand worm’s aria is easily the most fascinating and thought-provoking piece in terms of its lyrical composition.
As he gleefully romps among the waterfalls of sand, Molgera, backed up by a chorus of burrowing brethren, reflects upon the deep history of the sand dwellers and explains that they have borne witness to every cycle of the goddess and hero’s reincarnation since ancient times; therefore, they feel that they understand the truths of the universe far better than any other living entity possibly could. From there, the wicked serpent pontificates about the sheer futility of man’s existence, arguing that humankind’s vision of progress and change will continuously be shattered by reality’s cyclical nature, dooming them and all other creatures to the grim fate of being devoured by worms. Whether the land is awash in seawater or baked in sand, his kind will always be there, patiently waiting for their chance to feast upon the fools.
These macabre lyrics sharply juxtapose the bounciness of the music, transforming the song into one of the jolliest manifestations of an existential crisis I’ve ever seen. Listening to this, I was instantly reminded of a pivotal scene in John Gardner’s 1971 novel Grendel, where an ancient dragon protecting a vast horde of gold and other treasures explains to Grendel that existence is empty of inherent meaning, sowing the seeds of despair that cause the character to gradually unravel throughout the rest of the story (seriously, go read that book, it’s incredible). Similarly, I feel that Molgera’s main goal here is to upset and demoralize the legendary hero, giving him the window of opportunity he needs to satisfy his ravenous appetite and resume his quest for world domination. In a way, this makes Molgera the ultimate villain, as he cleverly manipulates humanity’s deep-seated need to find purpose in life just to further his own desires.
As I briefly alluded to at the beginning of the article, Alex’s lyrics draw heavy inspiration from one of Edgar Allan Poe’s poems called The Conqueror Worm. In this piece, a dramatic stage play is cut short by a voracious worm who emerges from underground and consumes the actors; afterward, the omniscient audience members confirm to the readers that the play represents the tragedy of the human condition and that the worm is the “hero” for saving them from their own miserable existence. Incorporating this poem into Molgera’s song was a stroke of absolute genius, not only because it reflects the long lifespans of its brethren, but also because it makes perfect sense that the arrogant wriggler would fall in love with a poem that paints him as a heroic figure that stands above all the other foolish mortals. But in his arrogance, Molgera fails to recognize the bitter irony of what he preaches: at the end of the song, he repeats the exact same verse from the beginning where he taunts the Hero of Winds, demonstrating that he, too, is at the mercy of the universe’s cyclical nature. In the end, he is no more powerful than the flowers that sway eternally in the wind.
All in all, Alex Beckham’s interpretation of Molgera’s theme song is both deeply contemplative and utterly delightful to listen to, so I highly encourage all of you to go listen to his full Zelda Musical Bytes package. And if you’re so inclined, go listen to all the other projects I mentioned before. Who knows? You might just be witnessing the birth of Broadway’s next blockbuster hit!
This article is part of an ongoing Medli’s Melodies mini-series that pays tribute to the clever, funny, intriguing, and even inspiring lyrics that fans have written for the Zelda songs we know and love. If you would like to catch up on previous Lyrical Spotlight articles, please check out the list below.
