Back when my wife and I were still dating, I was obsessed with The Wind Waker. I loved Toon Link’s expressions, the dungeons where you control multiple characters, and the vibrancy of this version of Hyrule, but more than anything else, my favorite part was the sense of adventure. Setting sail for an unmarked square on my map or an uncharted island and discovering what was there made Link’s cel-shaded adventure special for me. With that in mind, my wife secretly planned both the sweetest and most nauseating birthday surprise of my life.
Right around my 22nd birthday, my wife told me that we were going on a trip to celebrate. Within a few hours, we found ourselves down in San Diego, but the reason why was still as unclear to me as the sky surrounding Greatfish Isle. Finally, like Tetra laying out a map, my wife unfurled her magnificent plan and made our course clear. We were going to sail the seas just like Link!
She had booked a small sailing yacht that, while lacking an awesome talking red lion head, was still really cute. Its small sails and seating area coupled with its cozy, below-deck living quarters were exactly what I imagined the King of Red Lions would have looked like if it were given a more modern upgrade.
Before we set out, the captain warned our party about the potential for seasickness due to the choppiness of the waves. I heard what he said, but it sailed right through one ear and out the other. I had braved the searchlights of the Forsaken Fortress, scoured the sinister depths of the Earth Temple, and buried my sword deep into the dreaded Ganondorf’s cranium, so surely no wave could stand up to me.
As we set out, I was in Hyrulean heaven. Hearing the sound of the sails growing taut as the winds filled them and seeing them balloon out in front of us was amazing. The smell of the sea and the cawing of the gulls completed the illusion and I may as well have been on the Great Sea. As the powerful gusts caused our tiny vessel to pick up speed, we found our faces just a few feet from the water as our captain turned us towards adventure, causing the craft to tilt hard toward the waves. My wife was laughing and I smiled and joined her, though something began churning inside of me.
Our voyage continued and our boat continued to pick up speed, seeming to bounce off a wave only to slam into the next. Everyone smiled and yelled happily, but I found myself beginning to feel really ill. Each bump of the sea was making me want to hurl, but my wife had planned such a thoughtful trip. I had to enjoy it, dang it! I tried to gird up my stomach strong like a Hylian Shield so I could enjoy the waves at the side of my darling. Alas, the sea wouldn’t be denied, and I soon found myself exploring more of the bathroom instead as I clung to the toilet, the contents of my stomach heaving and flowing with each wave. I was no hero of the seas. I was only the hero of seasickness.
When we arrived back on the blessed shore, I apologized to my wife for not being able to enjoy more of our voyage, but she just smiled and held my hand and apologized right back. As we strolled back to the car, she smiled and did her best Tetra-style wink as she told me that we had discovered one thing: my seasickness.
