By the time I realized Link’s friend, Ilia, had come down with a bad case of the story tropes (amnesia), I had already gleaned how wise Telma was. That’s why it wasn’t a surprise when she understood that Link knew the memory-challenged girl. Telma told Link of what happened, how Ilia had no memories but still felt compelled to help the Zora child she found dying in the streets. Telma asked Link to lend Ilia his strength and help the Zora boy. Link, of course, said yes, even though he would have done it regardless. (I was about 60 percent willing myself.)
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but once the scene transitioned from Telma’s Bar to the start of the trail, and I saw Link saddled on Epona and the others in a wagon, it was clear how “escorty” this escort mission would be.
Telma at least gave me the rundown before we started: We would follow a trail leading from the eastern side of Hyrule Field, cross the Great Bridge of Hylia, make our way through the southern end of the field, and cross over Kakariko Gorge before reaching the entrance to the village. I would need to be ready to protect the wagon and handle any roaming enemies we encountered. I convinced myself I wouldn’t be annoyed by how involved this might be and began the mission.
The first hurdle to overcome during the journey was the biggest, and I mean that literally. He was back. King Bulblin, that massive, grotesque punching bag, somehow survived the fall from our first fight. I was confused at first, but my confusion turned to slightly morbid satisfaction for having another chance to kill him. I still held a grudge from when he taunted me with Colin’s unconscious body.
I gave King Bulblin credit for trying to learn from his mistakes. His sides were shielded against my sword attacks. It was a smart play. Still, our meeting was unfortunate for him. How could he have known I had found the Hero’s Bow? As I watched him plummet into the lake below after the final arrow connected with his face, I wondered how many more lessons I would be teaching him.
The fight was fun and had me excited for the next phase of the mission — then the flame timer icon appeared. The fun extinguished as the flames ignited. As we passed through the narrow passage, Bulblins launched Fire Arrows at us from atop the stone walls to set the wagon on fire. Granted, it was a reason to equip the underused Gale Boomerang, but I was still troubled by what this signaled: If Nintendo was going to take the time to add that timer to the game, they were going to get enough use out of it.
I grew aware of how long this mission was taking as our group made it to the southern part of Hyrule Field. This was also when the Kargaroks appeared. They followed closely overhead, swarming with their usual level of aggression. But these beasts proved to be smarter than King Bulblin by dropping bombs on and around the wagon to throw it from the trail.
I put arrows through the ones that flew too close, and other ones would give up the chase once we moved out of their range. As my group made it through each air raid, I wondered why the enemies didn’t lead with this.
We made it past Kakariko Gorge and were in the home stretch. The gate to Kakariko Village was in sight. I had the key to the gate and was ready to get this over with. Bulblins were still following me, and the birds were still making passes. I don’t know if it was due to the music or the constant need to put out fires, but my focus was fading. My only concern was reaching the gate. I galloped toward the entrance, but I needed to turn back when the bombs from above scared away the wagon. I groaned (probably louder than I remember), turned around, and led them back. Then, the same thing happened again. And again.
This was the point, as I contemplated hurling my Wii Remote and Nunchuk combo across the room, that I noticed the birds were not leaving or following us. They were staying a set distance away from the gate to chase the wagon away. I thought we would be able to move past them, that they wouldn’t hit us in time. I wasn’t paying attention. I know I said my focus was fading, but the fact that I managed to miss this pattern is an almost-impressive level of oblivious.
After realizing how dense I was, I (calmly) killed the birds, opened the gate, and watched the wagon finally reach its goal. I joined them, but only after I finished off all the remaining enemies. I probably didn’t need to kill them, but after taking that not-so-scenic route I was deep in a mood that only lethal, sword-slinging justice could fix.
