Life can be tricky sometimes when you don’t like scary things. As a person who does not enjoy being scared in the slightest thank you very much, certain activities are lost on me. Horror movies as a genre are out (I don’t even like the commercials), and October in general can get frustrating. But sometimes facing the terrifying is just a part of life, an inevitable inclusion in the things I do enjoy doing. Like playing Zelda games, when certain enemies must be faced!
See, recently my wife and I have been playing/recording a playthrough of Ocarina of Time, which marks her first time playing the whole game (she had previously only played through the Dodongo’s Cavern). And as a result, I was able to experience her first time encountering a ReDead, which reminded me of the first time I encountered a ReDead, in that we both heard the horrifying shriek, and watched in sheer and total panic as Link suddenly found himself in the unfriendliest hug imaginable.
Now, in my memory, as a kid nothing was worse than the ReDead. They never seemed to come alone, always being in groups, and thus getting hit by one shriek likely meant Link was surely doomed as multiple abominations lined up to literally suck the life out of him. To this day I do not walk into a fight against a ReDead — be it in Ocarina, Majora’s Mask, or The Wind Waker — without being more concerned than I am facing, say, Ganon. Simply put, they scare me.
But watching my wife face down my worst Zelda enemy, I started wondering if the ReDead are truly the most terrifying monsters to encounter throughout the series. Among ordinary foes, there isn’t much competition — Gibdos in Twilight Princess are the closest thing to an equivalent that spring immediately to mind. Although really, Gibdos are just wrapped version of the ReDead, so I’m not really sure they count.
It is only by considering the bosses of the franchise that I began to find some contenders for taking the crown for the semi-centennial “Terror of Hyrule” competition (judged, of course, by a panel of Koume and Kotake, and whichever Kikwi can be found that day).
Stallord, from Twilight Princess, for example, is an obvious answer. True, the Twilit Fossil may be one of the coolest boss battles in the series, but there is no denying that a reanimated dragon fossil capable of summoning an army of the dead, surviving as just a skull after you’ve destroyed the rest of it, and shooting massive fireballs while flying is objectively horrifying. For those of us not possessing the Triforce of Courage, just seeing that monstrosity would likely cause immediate fainting.
Then, of course, there is the mini-boss that I am absolutely not looking forward to my wife having to battle in the coming weeks: the Dead Hand. If memory serves, my younger self lost the first round with that demon for no real reason other than not ever wanting it to appear on my screen, which was not the most effective strategy. As it turned out though, covering my eyes while just mashing the sword button and being backed by three bottled fairies did work, or I’d have never made it through the Shadow Temple.
One other image that’s seared into my brain, however, changed how I saw this whole odd combination of memory and fear-based thought. Using masks to transform in Majora’s Mask causes an oft-skipped sequence that fans of the game are sure to remember. And that led to my discovery of who, really, is the scariest being in the many time periods and lands of Hyrule: Link.
No, really! Think about it. You live as a creature, perhaps a natural animal just looking for food, perhaps as a cursed abomination, but harmlessly living in your natural habitat, usually tucked away in a locked dungeon. When all of a sudden someone breaks in. You’ve heard tell about this boy, or young man. The ordinary people of Hyrule sing his praises as a great hero in public, but in whispered conversations they speak of the times this heavily armed person broke into their house, smashed all of their pottery, and robbed them of their life savings.
Other monsters, friends of yours, have told traumatic tales of when he visited their homes. Without a word, he stole their carefully guarded treasures. He slaughtered their compatriots, occasionally taking their very hearts as a way to somehow heal himself. And he slayed their bosses, always being sure to claim their hearts as well, stuffing them into his chest and becoming more powerful.
You panic, and try to hide, but he keeps finding ways to break through whatever defenses your chosen home offers. You watch as the strongest of your allies manages, somehow, to fell him, only to be shocked when a small fairy flies out of his pocket and brings him back to full strength. You watch as he wields what can only be magic, to do the impossible. And, finally, when he gets around to you, he aims perfectly, unnaturally, in your direction as you tried to either flee or gain an upper hand somehow. He freezes you in place while a disembodied voice tell him your greatest weakness. He shifts through his massive assortment of weaponry, one of which was a treasure guarded by those you cared about, now just another in his stockpile. He finally chooses the most efficient, or perhaps just the most fun, way to destroy you. The last thing you see is his looming presence, as he waits to see what parts of your body he can rob, or sell, or tear off to make into another twisted weapon.
Now go ahead, tell me that Link isn’t the scariest thing in the whole series!
So just remember, when next you face your worst Zelda enemy, be it the undead or a massive evil sorcerer, that in this world of magic and monsters, they really are more scared of you than you are of them. And then… definitely stick around to see what loot they drop, it might be really good!
