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    • RUKI REVIEWS


      So as a writer, I know some of the hardest fucking things people struggle with is getting a review of their writing. As writers, when we get feedback, it is very rarely constructive and usually focuses on things people like or in some cases don't like. Which in of itself is fine - any feedback is better than no feedback - it doesn't really help the process in growing as a writer. It's an uphill climb in of itself of getting noticed, and the better your writing is, the more likely that's going to happen. And what this thread is for is an avenue for writers to get a general critique on their writing - to find the areas they're doing well in or not so well in.

      So first of all I should probably explain what makes me so sure I'm the right person to offer such a service.

      Now for those of you don't know me beyond "that psychopathic player in mafia" or "that weird Digimon girl," I'm Ruki and I'm one of the section mods of the Role Play Guild. I've been writing ever since I was a babe and I currently work as a reporter in a newspaper covering stories. So basically, being paid to write. I went to a rather prestigious school for journalism in my home state which had several Pulitzer Prize winners graduate from it (St. Bonaventure for those who are curious), and so I can guarantee you I have the technical concepts of writing down rather well. I've also taken several creative writing classes, written across several mediums and once again, mod the Role Play Guild. So I am not lacking when it comes to either creative or factual sort of writing.

      I have a solid foundation of what consists of a good story structure, different tropes in literature and how to play with and subvert them and how to build a world which is well rounded. I'm known for making complicated and complex characters with varying degrees of motives and subtleties. While I don't have a degree in psychology, I understand enough of it to apply it to characters and over the years I have built up a hefty mental data bank of random tidbits of facts which can help add the little extra details which can really sell a story and make people believe in it more.

      Essentially I may not be a published fiction author by any means, but my credentials are far from lacking. I can assure you, I do know what I'm talking about.

      So what am I offering exactly?

      What this thread says. Reviews.

      I will look at any story - fictional or non-fiction - and give my feedback. While I will not be an editor (I don't have the time nor energy for that level of detail and care to dedicate in my free time), I will give you my first impressions and thoughts on any story which you may link me to. Please note I may not (probably won't) read the entire story if it is already in multiple of chapters depending on their length, and will only be commenting on what I see as a reader in the early stages. However, as an author, you will need to grab the reader in the early stages of the story, so this part is the most critical anyways.

      In my feedback I will:
      • Give my first thoughts on show versus telling.
      • The general grammar and technical make-up of the work.
      • First impression of characters and the world.
      • Any tropes or stereotypes I notice that I think you maybe shouldn't use. (For example, killing off a girlfriend/wife in order to spur on a male protagonist to action - i.e. the Disposable Woman or Stuffed into the Fridge tropes)
      • How easy it is for a reader to follow.
      • Any other suggestions/thoughts which I may have.
      The feedback may not include all these points, and will be incredibly blunt and to the point. While I'll do my best to be as tactful as I can, I'll just say it right now; I am not know for my tact. Please realize none of what I say should be taken maliciously. Also I tend to swear a lot and use them as adjectives, so if I use a swear word in the review, please don't take it as I'm angry as you. I'm not.

      If you want to know what things you are doing right, you'll have to ask that in the request. Also please note that for fandom works, I can only give as good critique as I am familiar with the fandom. While I can guarantee fandoms such as Zelda, Digimon and Harry Potter for example of having an intrinsic knowledge of to give more detailed feedback, if you aren't sure of my familiarity with a fandom, please just ask. I'm also better at certain genres than other with my best area of expertise coming in supernatural, mythological, fantasy and urban fantasy.

      So how do you request me to look at a work?

      Simple! You fill out this sheet:

      ZU Name:
      Title of Work: (Please also hyperlink to the story itself here.)
      Quick Synopsis:
      Fandom: (If applicable)
      Genre:
      Chapters: (Currently written and published)
      Review: Private (via PM) or Public (in-thread)
      Other: (Anything you might want me to focus on in particular).

      So some ground rules.
      1. Only one piece of work from an author at a time. Please do not submit another piece until I have given your work a review.
      2. You are allowed to submit any work that is outside of ZU that might be on sites such as Tumblr, Archive of Our Own or fanfiction.net.
      3. While ZU doesn't allow smut, I'm just going to say don't link me to your smut fics. I'm not interested in reading them.
      4. I don't know shit about poetry. Sorry. That includes song lyrics.
      5. I will be doing them in order of people who have asked in this thread. i.e. Don't PM me and expect to be on this list. First come, first serve.
      6. I will look over roleplay threads in the ZU server only. I will also critique any DnD story posts a person might have. Also, once again, ZU only.


      Stories Up For Review
      Son of Fire - Sami Nornal

      :heart: Rinn “Arwyn” Nailo drawn by Liah :heart:
      Rakshael: if I know one thing about Ruki, it's that she'll prove you wrong just for the sake of saying she did it
      Characters | The Time Lost | The Rumors We Believe | Ruki's Reviews

      The post was edited 6 times, last by Ruki ().

    • ZU Name: TriforceHolder

      Title of Work: zeldauniverse.net/forums/Threa…n-Fantasy-A-Fairy-s-Tale/

      Quick Synopsis: After the death of the Hero of Time, Navi his guardian fairy is held accountable by the Fairy Council for deserting her charge resulting in a chain of events that led, direct or indirectly to his demise. For this transgression Navi is banished from her homeland and exiled to live amongst the Hylians. After many years of menial living within Castle Town a chance encounter with an emissary of the Great Fairies grants Navi a slim chance at redemption. A shadowy interloper threatens the realm of the fairykin. Though it is a death sentence to return to her homeland in defiance of her banishment without her aid the fairykin will surely fall. Without a hero at her side Navi must rescue the land that turned its back on her from the shadow of the figure that threatens to destroy the place she once called home.

      Fandom: Zelda

      Genre: Fantasy/Adventure

      Chapters: 3 published, 4th WIP

      Review: Private

      Other: Turn offs, points of confusion or lax story telling that would make people loss interest.

      I know you gave me few notes in the creative corner but I figured with a dedicated thread it would be more in depth which I could use.
      "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.
    • ZU Name: TriforceHolder

      Title of Work: Sisters from Outside the City
      wattpad.com/551019419-sisters-…-city-cast-in-the-name-of

      Quick Synopsis: Days before she is to graduate from the Beacon Academy Sapphire Rode awakens in a completely alien city. Cut off from her friends and the resources of her home Sapphire must navigate the strange new terrain of Paradigm City if she wants to save the last link she has to her home. Her ten year old sister kidnapped and hunted by Paradigm's Military Police Sapphire must make her way through the city populated by strange technologies. Androids and mechaniod war machines roam the streets combined with the dichotomy of humans who have only the basic understanding of where they live, Paradigm City is a place full of dangers. More may be at stake than Sapphire's safe return home.

      Fandom: Big O/RWBY (concerns mostly original characters, little to no foreknowledge of either required)

      Genre: Adventure/Mystery

      Chapters: Complete

      Review: Private

      Other:
      1. How well or if the ending works.
      2. Started as a fan fiction but I started transitioning it to an original piece, please point out anything that sticks out or doesn’t make sense because I forgot to include requisit information that would be known from the original fandoms.

      (Sorry for double requesting. I figured since you finished with the first one it was okay.)
      "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by TriforceHolder ().

    • You can request as many times as you want for different works of art as long as there is one at a time for each person. So person A can request story x and person B can request story y at the same time and I will do Person A (who posted first) and then Person b. While I’m doing person B, person A can request story Z.

      So essentially multiple people can be on the list and I will get to them in order. They just can’t request more story at once. They have to request one story then get back in line for the next.

      :heart: Rinn “Arwyn” Nailo drawn by Liah :heart:
      Rakshael: if I know one thing about Ruki, it's that she'll prove you wrong just for the sake of saying she did it
      Characters | The Time Lost | The Rumors We Believe | Ruki's Reviews
    • ZU Name: @RealmWings

      Title: My Days as an International Theatre Criminal

      Synopsis: A fading power. A rising shadow. A shattered empire. An old evil. It had been years since the last of the Secret Societies seemingly died out. We had thought that there was no need for us anymore. We had thought that our work was done. And, for a time, we were right. Until that fateful day. In the bowels of a nameless building in a nameless city at the edge of a nameless sea, a slumbering force awakens once more. Elsewhere, a malicious plan is realized. In yet another place, an old team reunites. The Societies have returned, and with them a world of turmoil. Intrigue, romance, espionage, heists, drama, betrayal, criminal activity, secret societies, mysterious figures, dark nights, and cheese of questionable national origin. The world will never be the same.

      Fandom: N/A

      Genre: Mystery, Intrigue, Comedy

      Chapters: #1 (that's all there is, as of yet)

      Review: Public

      Other: Is it an effective opening? Does it create a sufficient sense of world? Is it an interesting concept? etc.

      Thanks!
    • The link works on my device, I’m not sure why it would be broken for yours but it’s the same URL each time I search it so I’m not sure what to do.

      If you search the title in Wattpad it’s the first entry to come up. Sorry I can’t do more than that.
      "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.
    • "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.
    • I’m not reviewing how well someone wrote their Zelda theory or something. I’m only reviewing creative writing or something that’s written like an auto biography in this board or a historical drama in this board. I’m not going to review school essays or something like that.

      :heart: Rinn “Arwyn” Nailo drawn by Liah :heart:
      Rakshael: if I know one thing about Ruki, it's that she'll prove you wrong just for the sake of saying she did it
      Characters | The Time Lost | The Rumors We Believe | Ruki's Reviews
    • Is there a pause on mine till I can figure out what’s wrong with the link?

      The search link with my entry at the top wasn’t helpful?
      "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.
    • Yeah that’s it.

      Sorry I couldn’t make that more straightforward. I’m inclined to blame my phone. It’s internet apps are a bit spotty.

      Majority of that is a fifth or sixth draft of the original idea as opposed to a first so hopefully it reads better than the last one you reviewed.
      "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by TriforceHolder ().

    • Read the opening post, I believe ground rule number 4 answers your question.
      "The Oathkeeper's Dawn"

      Game In Progress - It has been thirty years since the Dawn of the New Day when without a hero to rescue them champions of the people were forced to rise up and save themselves. Now, on the eve of the 130th Carnival of Time strange rumours circulate the land. Will your wits be enough to discover what has taken hold of the land?

      Any help on this project would be appreciated. I want to make it in Solarus which means a 2D ALttP style. However if you don't want to provide technical help there are a range of pieces to work on. Sprites and artwork, music, level design or if you like simply brainstorming and suggesting alterations to the ideas I have currently compiled would be more than welcome.