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    • Serious
    [Gloomy Thread] Got the blues? Post about it here.
    • Thanks, @Max N. I actually mustered up the willpower to reach out to my only friend on campus, who was totally understanding. We got dinner and spent a couple hours together, which included some gaming. I felt quite a bit better afterwards—well enough to record a smashing take of the podcast credits—though that emotional patch is starting to peel off already. I didn't get any packing done today.

      I'm pretty sure I'll feel much better (though probably not 100%) after I get home this weekend, but for now...ugh. Also, I think my sleep schedule is taking a hit.
    • I've been depressed for a long time, each day it feels like it gets worse, and everything feels pointless or not worth the effort nowadays. I think at this point I need therapy to continue forward with my life, otherwise I'm not sure where I'll end up in a couple of years...the issue is just that I don't know how to ask for help getting therapy and I don't think my family knows just how unhappy I am or have been for as long as I have.

      I also just suck at talking about my emotions to anyone, so it's like each day I get just a little bit worse and feel just a little bit more numb, unable to sleep well or enjoy anything from youtube to drawing or playing video games, and as much as I want to get better I just can't bring myself to ask for help. I don't know what to do anymore, it just feels like each day is more about surviving the day than just living the day, sorry if this is random or too serious or whatever.
    • @Mango The Magician def the right thread.
      I totally get your feels, even share most of them. You've made a good step forward by writing down how you are and feel and second brave step by making those thoughts public. I definitely recommend mustering that energy/courage to seek professional help. I know it is easier said than done, but it's important. It is your only life you are living. I believe in parents and I think they'll be more supportive than you think. People tend to be. Of course there's the risk they aren't that good with emotions either, but it's a good step cos then you don't have to pretend and can stop hiding at home.
      Do you have friends you could talk about that? I know you mentioned talking about feelings is hard for you, but it's also very important, it's worlds apart to think "I'm depressed" and to say that out loud to another person. Have you made some research, what options you would have? Would there be some support groups or some mental health services for young adults? It's at least worth a shot to take a look. I wish your day would be better and I wish you strength for your everyday struggle. We are not mental health professionals but here is many with same problems and who are ready to lend an ear.
      One last tip. If you have strength for that, write down daily, how you feel. If possible, try to think can you figure out why you feel that way. And after that, write down something positive, somethimg you are thankful in your day/life.
      Just as a suggestion
    • EzloSpirit wrote:

      I can't believe I am posting in this thread, but I think I am depressed. I'm currently in the middle of my school's "senior week," the week between finals and graduation. My issue is that I transferred in last year, and I barely know anybody in my class. So I'm feeling extremely lonely. At the same time, I'm not ready for my time at this school to end; it's been so short. And I'm not having an easy time finding work for the summer, which starts next week for me. And I'm still not sure how I'm going to pay for grad school. And I might be attending a reunion next month at the summer camp (and home away from home) that I attended for 7 years that also all but promised me employment a few years ago, which I literally dreamed about for years, but then stonewalled me at the last minute, so I'm having all these feelings again.

      I'm not sleeping well, and I'm taking all these astronomically long naps. And I'm avoiding packing. Any suggestions for coping?
      * If you are registered as a student at school (either your undergrad or grad school) you may have access to free or really cheap counseling services through campus programs. I took advantage of these several times throughout my career as a student and they were very helpful.

      * Not sure what you have done in terms of finding work, but my advice is not to be picky, the point is to get your bills paid (says the PhD working at a cafe right now) -- look outside your field if you haven't already.

      * Re: loneliness, this is harder, when I was geographically separated from my friends and family I used a lot of Skype/Discord and phone calls to keep in touch, but it was still difficult and I never really figured out how to make that not suck... maybe just knowing it doesn't go on forever....

      * For sleep, back when I was a student I just didn't sleep properly at all ever, I just did things I needed to do while I was awake even if that was 4 am. The only thing that really helped my sleep long term was getting rid of stress (doesn't seem like that's viable for you right now) and working (physically) hard throughout the day.


      "Oh hun, ... somewhere out there, there's a planet for you. It's not this one." -- Foo

      "We are very dirty beings. And if we go to Mars, Mars will become dirty as well." -- NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine

      [signature by RealmWings]
    • @GuardianFIN Thanks for the reply, and kind words, also sorry for taking so long to reply, work takes all of my time lately. I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about it, I've got abysmal social skills and that's kinda left me with no one but my family. That said I think there is a place that offers free therapy I think, as my sister recently went through some stuff and she was recommended to this place where she's been getting therapy for free, so I think there's at least that...I don't know though, I feel terrible almost 95% of the time, but when it comes to admitting it to someone or asking for help I feel like I'm overreacting or my problems aren't big enough, I don't know.

      I think I am gonna tell my family...just I don't know it's hard as were all kinda closed off about deep emotions like this.
    • I just had to cut someone off I'd been trying to get along with. But they didn't listen to me after I kept telling them "Dude, you can't keep changing your mind and acting like that; that's childish." And it just brought back a flood of bad memories of me being on the other side of situations like that. Only people didn't tell me what I did wrong and just left; leaving me to try and figure out what I did wrong and find the answers too late. I don't feel completely bad about this because I did tell him what he was doing wrong, but still. It's just got me shook right now. After having had trouble learning from my mistakes and my unconciously developed bad behaviors over the years, I felt like I was finally starting to get it. It's been so hard for me these past couple of years, trying to not just build myself back up but rebuild myself with better behavior and more self-awareness of the things I say and do. I lost another friend that day a couple years ago, and nearly lost two in quick succession. If I'd lost the second, I'd have been completely destroyed because that second one means. SO. SO MUCH to me. They've helped me so much over the short time I've known them, and I felt horrible; I'd completely failed them. Again. I was so afraid I was going to lose them for good; I felt like nothing without them. And I would have probably exiled myself from the place I'd met them out of sheer shame.

      But no. I didn't. I used the incident as a learning opportunity; as a new starting point to work from. I've made strides and successes in becoming better since then. I used that fear of losing that one very important person to me as a means of motivation to keep going and be better. For my sake. For their sake. And for everyone else's. And I think it's worked. Though I don't see that person as often as I used to, when I moved in to try and repair things with them and smooth things over...it worked. Though what I'd done before was bad and stupid, they still stuck by me and forgave me. If not for that, I'd still be horribly broken. But I'm not as broken now with that and my self-repairs. If I'm making any sense.

      Regardless of my successes though, this is one of those times where I feel completely distraught by the past, whether distant or recent. I don't want these bad memories anymore. I don't want to be seen as a horrible friend to anyone anymore. Much as I'd like to make things up to everyone I wronged, I know I can't. Some of them are too far gone and no longer care about me, and have no interest in whether I've improved myself or not. That's fine. I don't expect anything. No one owes me anything after I wronged them; not even forgiveness for how I acted. But if people can acknowledge my progress in some way, whether it's just reading a message I sent or responding to it, then I'll know I tried. And that's what matters to me is that I'm trying. I'm trying very hard to be a better me.

      ..this post was all over the place. Sorry. It's been a rough night.