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    • Serious
    [Gloomy Thread] Got the blues? Post about it here.
    • They're very strict with sedatives in the U.K., because of the potential to abuse them but yes, I hope you're right - the reason they are doing this is to cut down on drug addiction-related deaths - you'd hope that patients who obtain the drug legitimately from a doctor would not be put at risk.

      @GuineaMane I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to whilst you go through the come-down. It's not nice that any of us should have to go through this, and it's can be a very scary and isolating place to be. Nobody should have to suffer in silence.

      In my case, my medication was only licensed in 2004. I wish I'd been aware of this before I agreed to take it, but having been on the antidepressant merry-go-round since 2007, I was desperate. I'm also supposed to be receiving talking therapies, but these have been sparse this year. My doctor described the mental health team as 'a bit dire' the other day. :(

      'Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear.' - Baron Humbert von Gikkingen from 'The Cat Returns'

      <3

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Katrielle ().

    • I already vented to a few people about this, I sincerely appreciate those who've already tried soothing me but it's overwhelming my thoughts and I need to say it more. It feels more real that way.


      I don't mention it much, but I have a little brother turning 20 next month who has a girl turning 19 in February, they've been together for a good 3 years I think, maybe less. Anyways, she was pregnant and gave birth Tuesday a couple hours north of me. She hardly survived the 24 hour labor, and the child began having seizures. He was rushed to a hospital near me where our older sister kept an eye until the mother was released Thursday evening.
      My brother and his girl are now staying near me, but my sister is telling me not to come by because technically I can't do anything to help. But a huge part of my career is soothing anxious or grieving people, it's different when it's direct family but literally my specialty is calming upset people. Being so close to what's going on yet so out of the loop is painful. At first I was able to stay cheery and hopeful but the longer things go on like this the worse it's getting. I just want them to be okay.

      I just persuaded my sister out to lunch, here's hoping I can convince them to put me on the visitation list for the child. In the past year I haven't seen my brother in person at all, this might be awkward.
    • I don't really see my mom that often since she moved out, and she's been kind of a toxic enabler for most of my life, so I hadn't been really too driven to see her. It's kind of why she tries to buy my affection with gifts, I'm sure.

      Anyhow, I'm going to try to get together with her tomorrow evening. There is something important I need to talk to her about that I was not going to discuss on our visit for her birthday, because that would be making it about me, and I hate that. I'd never thought I'd have to "come out" or anything of the sort, and while I doubt she'll take it worse than my dad did, because I don't drive, I'm pretty much setting myself up for a very awkward car ride home. It's nerve wracking.

      I'm not really sure how I should approach this, but I need to get it over with.

      ...But until you're broken, you don't know what you're made of.

    • So...today the Amazon Forums -- the first forums I was ever on -- are closing forever.

      It's true; a lot of the time I got kicked around there, at least in the Video Game forums, but even with the problems the site had -- the trolls, the constant downvoting from alt-accounts, all of the mocking and kicking around I received in the VGF, everything -- I have a lot of good memories there, particularly thanks to three very kind, though very goofy and overly playful, members whom I befriended in the Fun Forums, which I once called home. Even though the place there was mostly nonsense and silliness, it was relaxed and felt like home. And, most importantly, I felt like I mattered to them, and I know they mattered to me.

      Logging on, I can see that the activity died three days ago, and not a soul is there to be seen where there once was constant laughter and friendly banter; it's a spooky feeling. I'm filled with regret, because though I know it wasn't really in my power, I wish I could have been there with them the last few days. I wish I could have kept their spirits up and led another revolution to save the forums again, even if only for another two years. Most of all, I just wanted to tell them I missed them and hadn't forgotten them. But it's too late... I couldn't make it in time...

      I'm very sad, because I will greatly miss them all there. I'll miss everything about it, good and bad.

      It's unlikely they'll ever find me, but just in case they ever do, and they come here to this post: Thank you, Bittersweet, Rock n Rolla, and Emma...for everything. I miss you. May we meet again someday...

      Celebrating 3 whole years of ZU membership -- 8/22/2015 - 8/22/2018
    • Linkle wrote:

      So...today the Amazon Forums -- the first forums I was ever on -- are closing forever.

      It's true; a lot of the time I got kicked around there, at least in the Video Game forums, but even with the problems the site had -- the trolls, the constant downvoting from alt-accounts, all of the mocking and kicking around I received in the VGF, everything -- I have a lot of good memories there, particularly thanks to three very kind, though very goofy and overly playful, members whom I befriended in the Fun Forums, which I once called home. Even though the place there was mostly nonsense and silliness, it was relaxed and felt like home. And, most importantly, I felt like I mattered to them, and I know they mattered to me.

      Logging on, I can see that the activity died three days ago, and not a soul is there to be seen where there once was constant laughter and friendly banter; it's a spooky feeling. I'm filled with regret, because though I know it wasn't really in my power, I wish I could have been there with them the last few days. I wish I could have kept their spirits up and led another revolution to save the forums again, even if only for another two years. Most of all, I just wanted to tell them I missed them and hadn't forgotten them. But it's too late... I couldn't make it in time...

      I'm very sad, because I will greatly miss them all there. I'll miss everything about it, good and bad.

      It's unlikely they'll ever find me, but just in case they ever do, and they come here to this post: Thank you, Bittersweet, Rock n Rolla, and Emma...for everything. I miss you. May we meet again someday...
      I sort of feel the same about other forum hang outs I used to post in back in the day. I had probably joined over 10 different gaming forums but was only really active in a few. Now almost all my old hangouts are completely gone or have had no activity in years if their forums are still up.

      I joined this forum around that time too but was only semi active here back in the day. I kind of wish I was more active here in the past given that this is only one of my old hangouts that still exists with some decent activity.

      I kind of wish I stayed more in contact with some of my old forum buddies as I've lost complete contact with some.

      I've been thinking about this more as of lately since one of the few forum buddies I did stay in contact with on Facebook passed away a few days ago.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Hoju ().

    • Feeling devastated with what's going on irl, I don't know how to resolve them albeit I try to get Adam a better life. Problem is, my spouse appeared okay to the counsellor out of our home but things are otherwise behind the public eye. Not sure if I should elaborate it openly in a thread, feeling torn about this. Poor Adam, why these things must happen to us?

      Post by Jimin ().

      This post was deleted by the author themselves ().
    • You haven't bounced back because the negative experience isn't over yet. When it's done, you will have learned how to bounce back from negative experiences. Until then, just do what you need to do to stay sane. I recommend going for long walks in naturey areas. You know how in the movies when somebody's upset and they say they need to go for a walk to "clear their head"? It helps.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by ibLeo ().

    • So the past month now I've been extremely depressed and I couldn't really figure out why. Then it hit me: i'm turning 30 in a little over a month and my life is nowhere near why I'd thought it'd be so i'm having like a mid life crisis but instead of buying a new car or island I've just been spending a stupid amount of money on makeup cuz it looks pretty and makes me feel pretty. I jsut don't know how to fix my life as I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I jsut feel like a blob of wasted particles and that nothings really worth anything anymore. i'm not suicidal or anything, I jsut feel like right now my main reason for being here is to make sure Ceasar (my little fluffball) is as happy and comfortable as he can be during his last few years around. After that.....who knows.
    • ^^ Relatable, @Zarah, very relatable.

      I’m going to turn 33 in a fortnight, and I’m going through one of the darkest patches in my life. I feel so confused - I used to be this confident (ish, was getting there) young woman who travelled across the country alone and even got on a plane solo, to visit my friend in Austria.

      At the moment, I’m a prisoner to two different types of medication, which are very addictive, yet without them I would probably not be here writing this now. I’m supposed to be having one of the happiest times of my life, yet all our engagement has done is destroy a 14 year-strong friendship and fray tempers on both sides of the family. My fiancé and I constantly bicker and argue, and my mother drinks like a fish. The mental health team completely abandoned me in February this year, and left me to cope with depression, generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety and OCD alone, when they assured me they would place me with someone different as soon as they found a replacement. I no longer derive pleasure from enjoyable activities, and chores are hard to bring myself to accomplish. A lot of days, getting up and showering is an achievement. I’m crying inside, yet frequently too numb to cry externally. I’m a complete mess, and I frequently view life as just delaying the inevitable and wish to hasten the process, or wish I’d never been born. I’m sure I now have a dependence on benzos, which I receive on repeat prescription weekly (I fought to never take medication, but succumbed after a period back in 2014, where I was an inpatient for 3 weeks), whereas I used to just have a problem with drinking. The latter I still do on occasion, and skip my Diazepam, which just sends my body completely out of whack. I feel like I should be a productive member of society, and I don’t understand why I have become like this.

      I encourage anyone who feels they are not coping to get help early. It’s not easy, but it could save you from becoming what I have. Admitting you need help is one of the greatest displays of strength you can achieve.

      Zarah, I send you the biggest hug in the world, you lovely person. Take care of yourself. ❤️

      'Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear.' - Baron Humbert von Gikkingen from 'The Cat Returns'

      <3

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Katrielle ().

    • Existential Angst is a hell of a drug. I deal with that myself on a regular basis and recently I was recommended to take a probiotic because apparently gut health influences mental health according to a bunch of new research which says that certain gut bacteria eat serotonin which means you don't get it. Obviously that doesn't fix all your problems but every little helps.

      What's really important is to realise that your depression won't last forever. If it's your first time ever feeling this depressed then naturally you don't have the tools for dealing with it and it'll be overwhelming because this is literally the lowest you've ever felt and the insidious thing it does is make you forget what happiness feels like or that you've ever BEEN happy and it tricks you into thinking life has always been this miserable and therefore always will. That's just not true.

      If you've been depressed before you start noticing the pattern and you realise that hey, sometimes it takes a day, sometimes it takes three years, but it passes and every time it happens it gets a little shorter because you've seen it before and it's less scary because you know from accrued experience that IT PASSES.

      A few things I've picked up over the years that seem to help:

      Imagine you're the last person on the planet. Imagine the world is empty like Minecraft. You can go back to the populated world whenever you want and no time will have passed, but you can stay in the empty world as long as you want, just dicking around. Imagine walking up and painting a gigantic poop emoji on the wall of a nearby building, just because you can and it's kinda goofy/funny. Pretty relaxing, right? Minecraft is fun. Now imagine that the world is suddenly populated again, the empty world was a daydream, and a bunch of people just saw you vandalise a building. That's an unpleasant feeling, right? But it didn't come from you. You were happy goofing around. It was only the experience of being seen that made it unpleasant. This is where the phrase "hell is other people" comes from. Your unhappiness doesn't come from your opinion of yourself, your unhappiness comes from what YOU think OTHER people think of you. Not even necessarily what they actually think! Just what you think they think. Sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong, but the key is that whenever that little negative voice your head pipes up, whenever that little internal critic tells you how shit you are, you THINK that's your opinion of yourself but if you REALLY focus on it, you'll realise that the critic never speaks in YOUR voice. It's always somebody else's voice telling you how shit you are. You're actually imagining someone ELSE's opinion of you. Focus on figuring out whose voice it is and then try and settle the question of whether that's what they actually think, either by asking them or by simply being yourself around them, letting it all hang out and seeing if they complain. They probably won't. If they do? Handle it whatever way works. If they don't then stop worrying about it; there's no point imagining negative opinions
    • Zarah wrote:

      So the past month now I've been extremely depressed and I couldn't really figure out why. Then it hit me: i'm turning 30 in a little over a month and my life is nowhere near why I'd thought it'd be so i'm having like a mid life crisis but instead of buying a new car or island I've just been spending a stupid amount of money on makeup cuz it looks pretty and makes me feel pretty. I jsut don't know how to fix my life as I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I jsut feel like a blob of wasted particles and that nothings really worth anything anymore. i'm not suicidal or anything, I jsut feel like right now my main reason for being here is to make sure Ceasar (my little fluffball) is as happy and comfortable as he can be during his last few years around. After that.....who knows.

      Wendolene wrote:

      ^^ Relatable, @Zarah, very relatable.

      I’m going to turn 33 in a fortnight, and I’m going through one of the darkest patches in my life. I feel so confused - I used to be this confident (ish, was getting there) young woman who travelled across the country alone and even got on a plane solo, to visit my friend in Austria.

      At the moment, I’m a prisoner to two different types of medication, which are very addictive, yet without them I would probably not be here writing this now. I’m supposed to be having one of the happiest times of my life, yet all our engagement has done is destroy a 14 year-strong friendship and fray tempers on both sides of the family. My fiancé and I constantly bicker and argue, and my mother drinks like a fish. The mental health team completely abandoned me in February this year, and left me to cope with depression, generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety and OCD alone, when they assured me they would place me with someone different as soon as they found a replacement. I no longer derive pleasure from enjoyable activities, and chores are hard to bring myself to accomplish. A lot of days, getting up and showering is an achievement. I’m crying inside, yet frequently too numb to cry externally. I’m a complete mess, and I frequently view life as just delaying the inevitable and wish to hasten the process, or wish I’d never been born. I’m sure I now have a dependence on benzos, which I receive on repeat prescription weekly (I fought to never take medication, but succumbed after a period back in 2014, where I was an inpatient for 3 weeks), whereas I used to just have a problem with drinking. The latter I still do on occasion, and skip my Diazepam, which just sends my body completely out of whack. I feel like I should be a productive member of society, and I don’t understand why I have become like this.

      I encourage anyone who feels they are not coping to get help early. It’s not easy, but it could save you from becoming what I have. Admitting you need help is one of the greatest displays of strength you can achieve.

      Zarah, I send you the biggest hug in the world, you lovely person. Take care of yourself. ❤️
      Fellow ZUer here in his 30s as well.

      I sort of concur with the whole mid life crisis thing.

      I suppose mine is a bit different. I'm actually further along the life checklist than I previously imagined myself. I'm married, I have 2 kids, we own our home, have 2 cars, i have a career I enjoy etc...
      But damn, is life ever busy. It feels like it's sprung into fast forward and I'm too busy to just slow down and smell roses.

      I've been reflecting back a lot at my life and just missing how simple things used to be and just how easy it was to go out and spend time with friends. Now the only adults I speak to in person are people at work and other parents when I take kids to birthday parties. I'm also starting to miss the friends I used to spend time with as I haven't seen many of them in so long. I still talk to many on Facebook but it's just not the same.

      I suppose I'm still adjusting to this world of "adulting" lol.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Hoju ().