Through the years we’ve seen our fair share of complexly and downright crazily designed Zelda characters. Nintendo hasn’t shied away from the outlandish when it comes to the clothing, design, and naming of these characters. One such example: as new information was released pertaining to Skyward Sword and we learned about the new character, Ghirahim, Zelda fans quickly provided him with a “fabulous” nickname. Personally, I prefer Debbie over a character name that reminds me of chocolate squares.  Skyward Sword Link’s pants also caused quite a stir, which were noticeably baggier than previous trousers worn by our hero.  With such talk about the clothing and design of Zelda denizens, I thought that I would share my impressions of a few Zelda individuals with the approach of a 2012 mindset.

Ghirahim

Halloween is only nine months away and if you want to be the star of the local costume party, all you have to do is be F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. Every time I hear Ghirahim described in such fashion, I can’t help but laugh hysterically to myself as I picture Oprah belting out the word “fabulous” to an unsuspecting audience. Fabulous. Fabulous! FABULOUS! Moving on; when initially encountering Ghirahim in Skyward Sword, I felt he was more theatrical than he was villain-like. Although his dialogue helped develop the darker side of his character, I never really felt intimidated; that is, until I survived the greater part of the final battle with a mere one heart.  In fact, I never find grown men in skin-tight footed pajamas very threatening; perhaps one day I will understand this new fashion trend. On a more serious note, I found the boss battles occurring with Ghirahim focused primarily on the Wii MotionPlus aspect, which ultimately became too repetitive; however, while playing through on Hero Mode, Debbie had unexpectedly become extremely more challenging, which I found refreshing fabulous.

Tingle

“Hey kids! Do you want to buy some maps? How about some candy? Give me your rupees and hop in my fairy van. We can take a magical journey to my secret island no one knows about! KOOLOO-LIMPAH!” No. My first encounter with Tingle occurred during my play through of The Wind Waker, which resulted in severe scarring of my childhood. Looking past his faults, Tingle actually introduced a new game play mechanic that was similar to a simplified version of the Wii U tablet. Recalling myWind Waker days, I often utilized the off screen map visible on my “Tingle Tuner”; however, I felt it a little cumbersome to repeatedly look from my television, to my Game Boy Advanced, and then back again. With the introduction of the Wii U tablet, I look forward to Nintendo streamlining this process to make an off-screen map feel more natural.  As for my favorite 35-year-old chest shaking, self-declared fairy reappearing in Zelda Wii U, I wouldn’t complain if Link received a “U Tingle Tablet”.

Ruto

One career choice I may never understand is that of painting your body blue, performing a musical, choreographed routine, and gaining world fame; although, I understand you must act accordingly to your talents. Ruto would, without a doubt, be hired instantaneously. Nintendo touched on the risque side in the character development of Ruto. Completely “nude” both as a child and seven years later, Ruto was one of the more provocative Zelda characters we have ever seen. As for the elements she added to the game play, I found carrying her around in Lord Jabu-Jabu’s belly a tedious, tiresome task. In fact, I spent a large amount of time traversing Jabu-Jabu’s stomach stumped about my next task. Ultimately, I had to break my cardinal rule of first-time playthroughs: using an Internet guide. I, unlike many others, didn’t have the chance to play Ocarina of Time during its prime during the late ’90s but rather got the opportunity a decade later when Nintendo rereleased the title as a downloadable Wii Virtual Console game. This, I believe, ruined my opinion of Ocarina of Time. Don’t get me wrong, Ocarina of Time certainty left an impact on me, but I never really felt emotionally attached to the characters and their story lines. Ocarina of Time laid the standards for all of the following 3D Zelda titles and therefore should always be recognized as one of the greatest Zelda games. And now a quote:

 –“You’re the Picasso of creepiness.”

-”It’s true and this is my Blue Period.”

Malo

Surprisingly, Malo, is one of the few Zelda characters that has held onto his job through the rough economic times. Beginning as a small time, self-employed business owner, Malo has worked his way up into the entertainment industry. Playing the role as a cute innocent baby who will entice you to trade stocks, Malo has appeared in many television commercials. A man of little words; Malo provided Twilight Princess with a humorous aspect using his snide comments and know-it-all attitude that undermined his older brother, Talo. Malo represents the true meaning of hard work and making your dreams come true. Starting in small village market, he ultimately worked his way up to owner of a booming city bazaar. This proves that if a “baby” can accomplish something this successful, then anyone can pursue their dream, however crazy it may be, and achieve greatness.

Fi

Nintendo has just released news about its latest product. Surprisingly its neither a new console or handheld but rather a whole new product line never yet associated with Nintendo—smartphones. They’re calling their new innovative, ultra awesome phone the uPhone. Equipped with its very own voice recognition system, deemed Fi-ri (pronounced Fee•ree), the uPhone can act as your very own personal assistant; constantly nagging you to do this or that. “Master, scans indicate that your uPhone’s batteries are low. I advise you to replace them as soon as possible.” That’s correct, this new device runs using the power of a mere eighteen AA batteries, measures only one inch thick, and runs on Nintendo’s reliable 6G network. The voice recognition software will also include a built in GPS that will give you directions even if you don’t require them, “Master, there is an 100% percent chance that the Starbucks up ahead sells coffee. Your hearts are low. I advise you to head in that direction. Would you like me to remind you how to dowse for coffee?” Voice activated twitter updates are also available, “Master, I have tweeted for you. It reads: I got some awkward stares while eating hearts in public #delicious.” Get your giant wallets ready; this device will go on sales in August for a low low price of 999,999 rupees.

Update: Nintendo has cancelled the production of the uPhone.

(I don’t even want to talk about Fi in a serious manner.)

Tott

His music left an enormous impact on not only the present generation but many generations to come. Dedicated fans from all around the world spend time and effort to recreate his likeness in order to believe the contrary to what they can’t accept. Producing around seventy albums in his lifetime, he has inspired millions, changed how we think about music, and earned one of the greatest legacies of any musician. You may think I’m talking about Elvis Presley; however, I am speaking of the world famous Tott who appeared in The Wind Waker. Tott’s number one single, Song of Passing, topped the charts for an astounding six months, but it was later discovered that Link just played the song 368 times while trying to build a figurine collection; in reality no time had passed at all. Whether it was intentional or not, Nintendo definitely created a character in the likeness of Elvis. Every aspect of Tott resembles Mr. Presley—the clothes, the dancing, the music, and the hair. Tott may have been just an insignificant character but he provided Link with one of the most important aspects of the game. Without the Song of Passing my days as a figurine collector would have been over before they ever began. Having the power to change the time of day, I think, is one of the vital parts to any Zelda game. As I began Skyward Sword I thought that it was going to remain day interminably. Disappointed by this, I began to wonder why Nintendo hadn’t included this feature and then soon I discovered you can sleep in a bed, which of course makes total sense. Majora’s Mask wouldn’t have ever been possible without the change from day to night. As I look forward to Wii U’s (or whatever Nintendo is calling it these days) Zelda game I hope they implement the changing of days and perhaps tie it into a lengthy sidequest where particular goals are only achievable on certain days. Although unlikely, a system where the time of day corresponds in real time would be unpractical and cumbersome. Another quote that I couldn’t help but add in here:

“Napoleon, give me some of your tots.”

 Old Man

What can only be described as 182 pixels of fun, the Old Man is one of the most iconic Zelda characters ever created. The famous line “It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.” has been transformed into several modern day internet memes and pop culture icons. Featured in a comical web series, The Legend of Neil (not intended for young audiences), the Old Man is portrayed as a modern geezer who uses witty and sarcastic humor to aid Neil (Link) in his quest. Twenty-five years have come and gone since the inception of the Zelda series, which has not only stayed true to its roots but also created a legacy for its innovation. I have yet to play a Zelda game where I felt disappointed after defeating the final boss; not something every video game can accomplish. I was always left wanting something more and eager for what Nintendo would come up with next. Zelda is a compilation of everything I wish to see in a video game—a gripping story line, innovative game play mechanics, the ability to improve on what has already been perfected, a beautiful soundtrack, puzzles that actually require thought, and characters that I can become emotionally attached to. Graphics have never been a big issue for me. Whether it’s 8-bit, cel-shaded, realistic, or even a combination of the latter two, I’ll accept anything Nintendo wishes to utilize. That being said, with the production of the new Nintendo console and its corresponding Zelda title, I will be open to any graphics style that Zelda employs. The Zelda series has endure 25 amazing years and will always be a legend for many years after its 50th anniversary in 2036; I wish to see many of you there.

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  • CJ

    wow, first post woot! and I think the thing about Fi was kinda funny, but I really liked those little qoutes that came after a few of the paraghraphs.