When it comes to damselling, Princess Zelda tries to take it all in stride.

“Well, you sort of expect it to happen eventually. I mean, it’s a hazard of the job, isn’t it? Look at poor Princess Peach – can’t so much as get a cup of coffee without being kidnapped and dragged off by some disgruntled fungi as bait. Puts a bit of strain on relationships. Plus you never want to make plans too far ahead – I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to put off a trip to the country because I’ve been pulled into another dimension. Still, we all have our parts to play.”

She shrugs and her long blond hair sparkles in the sunlight. We sit beneath an apple tree in the secret inner garden at Hyrule Castle, where Zelda likes to gather her thoughts when she’s not running for her life or channeling mystic forces. Behind The Rupees has been afforded a rare opportunity to speak with the famed princess about her life, loves and misadventures before the next chapter of her legend is unleashed on the world.

On the subject of legend, Princess Zelda is entirely diplomatic. “It’s flattering to have it known as ‘the Legend of Zelda’ of course, but I think that’s a bit of a misnomer. If it weren’t for Link – or Ganondorf, for that matter – the ‘Legend’ of Zelda would mostly consist of fighting crop failure and taxes, and embarking on ambassadorial missions to festival openings. Not very epic.” She laughs; it is a sparkling, carefree laugh that begs listeners to join in. With a smile that could start wars or end them, Zelda explains to BtR the evolution of her role from captive to participant.

Princess Zelda started of in the Peach mold of kidnapped princesses waiting for a hero. “It got very tedious,” she admits. “Waiting around to be saved, and here I am with this unequalled mystical power at my disposal. Seemed a little silly. Of course, I can’t be blamed for inaction during enchanted sleeps or when I’ve been turned to stone. There’s not much a girl can do in those situations but enjoy the rest and hope for the best.”

She believes the turning point came for her in the legend we know as Ocarina of Time. “Here I am, awake and mobile for once, and my Kingdom’s been bent to the dark will of your standard megalomaniac pig-faced madman. The Hero of Time is nowhere to be found. Impa never taught me cowardice – she taught me how to kick ass, if you’ll pardon my Gerudo, and so Sheik was born.” Zelda remains fond of her high-kicking alter ego, although in the end she was obliged to swap the pants for a skirt and once more take a backseat to final showdown.

“It comes down to your standard battle between the hero and the villain,” she explains. “I can’t overstep the bounds of narrative convention. It’s not a gender thing. It is the obligation of Wisdom to sit back and let Courage face Power – it’s the whole point, when you get right down to it. Power corrupts; Courage heals. Wisdom balances the two. Without the guidance of Wisdom, Courage would fail. Without the contempt of Wisdom, Power would succeed. Think about it – if Ganondorf ever got around to bumping me off, he’d be one step closer to victory. But he never does. He doesn’t see Wisdom as threat worthy of decisive action – probably because he possesses so little of it himself. Time and again he will use me as bait for the bearer of Courage without realizing I am the scale on which these two forces find equilibrium.” She shrugs. “It’s a living, anyway. Several, in fact.”

When asked about the exact nature of her relationship to Link, the normally stoic Zelda demurs. “He’s Courage; I’m Wisdom. There’s bound to be a certain… closeness.” She maintains that constant reincarnation makes having a romantic life difficult. “We’ve had our share of fun, of course, but when you’re flitting around timelines, when you wake up one day and find out that no one else has memories of the past six years and your are, in fact, a child again… it’s not normal. It’s not like he can give my father a few hearty cows in exchange for my hand and we’ll have a country wedding and I’ll push out dozens of fat babies. We’re players on a bigger stage. We can’t have… whatever it is we might want, so that everyone else in the world can.” And this subject, she says in a voice of regal assuredness, is closed. One cannot help but notice a certain wistful glint in her eyes as she stares at the butterflies flirting with each other over the pond.

In the legend of The Wind Waker, Zelda spends most of her time oblivious to her true nature, sailing as a carefree criminal on the lawless Great Sea. “I liked being a pirate. I was surprisingly good at it.” Though in the end Ganondorf is once again thwarted and she and Link set off to build a new world for themselves, Zelda remains cryptic on the position of her newest adventure. “You never know where you’re going to end up – it’s an eternal struggle, and the three of us are bound to meet again until the end of Time itself. It doesn’t really matter, to be quite honest, when or where we turn up. What matters is that our passion play continues to keep balance in the universe. Just as Ganondorf is destined to be defeated, he is also destined to come close to success and instill fear, loathing and despair in all the people of Hyrule. Link and I restore hope. Between us we keep the rhythm of existence going. Everything is cycles, you know. That’s the whole point of legends.”

______________________________________________________

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This retro article was originally posted September 22nd, 2005.
  • Bogart

    Cheesy crap…anything worth reading?

    • Cheesy? Maybe a little.
      Crap? Absolutely not.
      Worth reading? Utterly. I've never seen this newspaper-interview approach done in an article. Having to write with two different views is hard (the interviewer and Zelda herself), but it was pulled off immaculately. I honestly thought it was a good read.

      • OoTfanatic

        It is a little cheesy, you're right, but it is quite interesting to look at a different perspective.

  • MajinBangFlash

    The hell? It's the same parp as those "Letters to Midna" sites -_-

  • Artimus-Maora

    ….? I didn't really understand much of this. Is this supposed to be in Zelda's view as, like, an actress? I don't get where this is coming from… Yeah, it's great and explains a few thinsg well, but still….?

  • SixMultipliedByNine

    It's a fictitiuos newspaper interview people. Yes, it's horribly cheesey. Yes, it's geeky beyond anything it has a right to be. BUT, to hopeless nerds such as myself, it's very entertaining to read and helps one imagine what Zelda's life may be like outside of adventuring and kidnapping.

    • Artimus-Maora

      Ah, that makes more sense. XD

    • Bitf Adict

      You liked this? It made me ashamed to be into Zelda. I pray that this is the last goddamn Zelda relationship FanFic.

      • Stew

        Thank you my friend…It made me ashamed that people are honestly this nerdy about Zelda games. I mean the games are awesome….but making up some interview with someone who doesn't exist? Kinda makes you think some people have no life outside of zelda….sad

  • jau682

    i like it! awesome!

  • At last, something where we get Princess Zelda's perspective and opinions in the games! I have to give a massive amount of kudos to Pipking for coming with this ingenius technique of using this franchise's namesake as an interviewee.

  • Zelda777

    I Can’t understand the point.What are you trying to do?

  • Hime

    Sorry pipking, but your recent articles, such as this and the wind waker thing, might seem more at home on a fanfiction forum than on up the ZU main page. That's not to demean your writing of course, I was just giving a content-related opinion not meant as an insult.

  • txter

    lrn 2 spll, lol!

  • Kiante

    I thought it was a great little read myself. It really feels, in a breaking the fourth wall kind of way, what it would be like to interview Zelda. At least, that's my take on it.

  • EDracon

    I hate these so much… Reason: It's almost never the same Princess Zelda, and like it or not, she isn't kidnapped, she is captured, thrown into her own dungeon, made useless, turned to stone, or in hiding. She is never kidnapped.
    Peach is the one always kidnapped.

  • Merkku

    I remember reading this here some years ago, and some other recent articles have been pretty familiar too. Is there a reason you're reposting stuff from a few years back? Not that I mind, I liked this back then and I like it now, I'm just wondering.

    • Kiante

      Oh, this was one of the retro articles Cody set up to post while he was gone.

      • Merkku

        Ah, ok. I thought the reason has prolly been said somewhere and I've just missed it. (I also missed the small print at the end calling it a retro article, so I thought it was just weird to be reposting things… 🙂 Typical me.)

  • cbarnett2386

    It's a pretty interesting read…

  • Bitf Adict

    Jesus, your like a kid who had his chocolate taken from him adorable!

  • Bitf Adict

    Seriously, what the hell? Another retro article? And once again about Links relationships? Is he making a big project that's taking a while, or is he just being lazy?

  • Valdek

    hmm, interesting

  • Stew

    This article is beyond nerdy…..like triumph the insult comic dog said about the star wars fan…,"You look like you were made out of parts from lesser nerds" You're some kind of Uber Dork".

  • Fanfiction is now news? :/

    • This is not fanfic. This is an ingenious article of a newspaper interview between Zelda and her interviewer, who I'll just call Pipking, though he also plays Zelda's person.

    • Purlo

      You think everything onsite is fanfic, you God-damned troll!

  • zeldafan

    this is hilarious! I love the snide little remarks thrown in there 🙂

  • ZeldaGurl_

    I like it. I really do. It's good to see a realistic example of Zelda's experiences. I feel like this is what Zelda would really be like in her life, and this really did a good job. Zelda is such a gorgeous character, and she doesn't get enough credit. This does her good.

    Kudos to you.^^

    "Pardon my Gerudo". Aha, funny. Imma start saying that from now on.

  • Austin

    This is one of the greatest things I've ever heard

  • prettyawesome

    An interview of Zelda? lol